With as much running as I do, it’s been quite a looooooong time since I’ve done a long solo run. In fact, I really can’t remember my last solo 8 mile + run? Honestly, it was probably either in 2013 or maybe back in 2012 when I was training for my first marathon? I honestly can’t remember. It’s not like I don’t get in long runs, I run plenty of races and group runs. Just not solo or oh so a long time.
But, after having a difficult couple of weeks with inconsistent running with the hospitalization and passing of my Grandma, I felt the need for a long run. Not just a long run, but a solo long run. I just needed to be left alone with my thoughts, music and road ahead of me. Not just to help me process with the passing of my Grandma, but to also prioritize my life and help refocus my health and direction.
Some people are blessed with a clear vision that takes them from point A to point B. I am not that kind of person. I have my point A to point B to point C to point D, etc., etc., etc. I constantly need the refocus and assessment of my path. I know my ultimate goal, but the journey to get there is what’s most enjoyable for me. I don’t always need or want the fastest path to get there, I believe you miss out on living life when you do that.
If you can’t tell already I am VERY much not a type A or red personality. It’s not in my DNA and I am okay with that. I am very much a yellow-blue individual and I wouldn’t have it any other way. In fact I tried to be more “type A” … and … well … it didn’t work. Couldn’t work. So I’ve learned to embraced what makes me … me.
As I mentioned I had a lot on my mind yesterday. Part of it was my Grandma, but I have really found peace in her passing so my focus was more so about me. Specifically my frustrations with my recent health issues with my testosterone levels and subsequent weight gain. I am about 35-40lbs. above the weight I normally run at. This has been frustrating, because it’s not like I am binge eating on cheeseburgers and cupcakes (though I wouldn’t mind a binge on Sweet Tooth Fairy right about now).
Sure it’s not 100% of the testosterone’s fault for the gain, but it’s affect more than just my waistline, it’s affected my mood and energy levels quite a bit. I really have no energy most of the time … and I feel it affect me in workouts and throughout the day. It sucks.
Luckily, I am FINALLY having my doctor’s appointment with the endocrinologist this week. It’s on the same day as my Grandma’s funeral, but luckily in the late afternoon. I was going to reschedule it … but I can’t. I HAVE to go and start figuring this out. More than likely they will probably put me on hCG instead of steroids because I am still planning on having kids in the future and apparently steroids make you impotent?
But, we’ll see about that.
Anyways, I keep going off on these tangents when I should be blogging about the run. Total trait of a yellow personality. And, someone with a mild case of ADD.
But, I had ALL of this on my mind during the run. It’s been really frustrating and somewhat depressing to not just get results, but feel this way. And, being a recovering obese human it scares me to lose weight, especially after five years of maintaining my weight within a 10-15lbs. zone. It’s not a good sign when you have dreams of you being 400lbs. again and privately eating whole birthday cakes. Plus, it’s not a healthy mentality to have. And, again, that’s hard to deal with some because you totally see you doing it.
I really went into my run with a prayer and open mind. It was also no consequence I was running to the temple. The temple has always been a refuge and destination for me when I need to figure things out, whether going inside or standing outside. And, since temples are closed on Mondays, it was going to be outside.
Physically, the run was tough for me. Mainly, because it hurt. Sure I was doing a lot of hills, but also because I could feel that this wasn’t my pace. And, it was frustrating. But, knowing how I got to where I was once was (and am getting back to), I knew I need to break up the run into smaller battles. Each hill, each downhill, each stretch of road had to be presented with a challenge … and I had to win.
I tried to really focus on the smaller battles and avoid my pace, but that’s really easier said than done. Especially when your goal is to run a sub-two half marathon. Luckily, I have a number of great friends that text me throughout the run. There is nothing better in this world than friends you can confide to about how you’re truly feeling. If you don’t have any, get ’em. It will make a HUGE difference in your life and with whatever task is presented to you.
Throughout my run, I kept thinking things through and talking to God about my feelings and frustratings. I do this in regular prayer, but there’s something different when you deplete yourself mentally and physically to Him. It’s an unique feeling and experience. But, as I ran towards the temple and could see it within viewI felt like my prayers bean to be answered and a humbling peace came over me. It’s hard to describe, but I’ve had this experience a NUMBER of times when I run to the temple.
But, I got an overwhelming feeling that everything would be okay and that the weight wouldn’t be an issue. But, I got the feeling that this new diet regime I am on would be one of the keys to that. Mainly because it follows simplicity of diet and basically the Word of Wisdom. I don’t want to sound overly preachy, but it was very much a spiritual experience. Especially as I ran around the temple … yes … taking pictures.
Throughout the last part of my run back to my car I felt an optimism and hope for what lay ahead. I know it’s not going to be easy. I wouldn’t expect it too. I also know it’s going to be a fight. Something I don’t feel like I’ve done in quite a while. That excites me.
I really excited for this week, not just with time spent with my family, but also running in southern Utah and Las Vegas with friends. I feel like it will be a good balance of family and running. And, I need that right now.
Here are a few more pictures I snapped of the temple during my run, I really have no other place to put them …