The WORST Christmas Songs EVER!

ChristmasSongs

The holidays are a time for joy, peace and enjoyment of the season. There are a lot of things that help make the holiday season extra special. The traditions, the festivals, the food, the parties, the decorations and of course music.

But, Christmas music can be a double edge sword for many people. It not only is the easiest way to invoke and feel the Christmas spirit, but it’s also the easiest way to bring the worst Scrooge out of any person. There are great Christmas songs … and then there are HORRIBLE Christmas songs.

You can’t go wrong with classics like White Christmas, Let It Snow or The Christmas Song. But, on the other hand there are songs like The Christmas Shoes, Last Christmas and Where Are You Christmas? that just make the blood boil and ruin any goodwill you had minutes before hearing the song.

That’s just life.

I am in the same boat though. I have to monitor my Christmas music, because there is nothing worse than being stuck for three minutes listening to The Christmas Shoes. It’s such a horrible, manipulative and cliche ladened song. So, so, so, so horrible.

But, this got me thinking. What are the worst Christmas songs out there? There are plenty of horrible songs out there, not just original Christmas songs, but covers of classic songs as well. So I decided since it’s Christmas Week here on the bloggy blog to list my Top Ten WORST Christmas Songs starting with number ten …

10) My Favorite Things

Okay, this one is pretty easy. Why? BECAUSE THIS IS NOT A CHRISTMAS SONG? Seriously, who authorized this to be welcomed into the Christmas song family? I hear it all the time on the Christmas channels and the last time I checked a movie about Nazis and WWII isn’t a Christmas movie.

But, yeah, until someone can logically explain to me why this is a Christmas song this will stay on this list.

So, radio stations around the world … PLEEEEEASE … stop playing this song during the holidays.

But, this in no way changes my crush on 1960’s Julie Andrews. If only there was a time machine that could take me, a bouquet of flowers and a huge diamond ring back to the 60s, I would SO marry Julie Andrews. But, this is a post for another day …

9) I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus

This song disturbs me. Sure it’s cute in the eyes of the innocent children seeing mommy kiss Santa Claus. But, why would the mother being kissing her husband dressed as Santa when children are present? Do they know the children are around? I mean, this could potentially get a TAD dicey.

A tad risque as well.

But, seriously, this song all around is just annoying. This song very much deserves to be on this list, especially when you’ve heard it more than once during the Christmas season.

8) All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth

This song makes me want to start a tooth drive for all those poor kids going around the holidays without their two front teeth. Such a horribly annoying song. Especially the radio edit of this song. The combination of the squeaky annoying song and content of the song just kills any hope for Christmas joy.

You also have to wonder if that kid’s mom pulled out that kid’s front teeth to land that spot on the variety show? There are parents out there that I wouldn’t put that past.

But, seriously, I could go the rest of my life without hearing this song and be contently happy. But, I have a feeling that when I have kids of my own this will song will come up once or twice when they start losing teeth.

Oy!

7) Please Daddy (Don’t Get Drunk for Christmas)

I can’t believe I am adding a John Denver song on a Worst Christmas song list. There is nothing better than listening to John Denver’s Rocky Mountain Christmas or watching John Denver and Muppets in their special “A Christmas Together” to get one in the Christmas spirit. It really is sad that John Denver went so young. He was a great musician.

But, of all the songs on his Christmas album this one is just … just … so depressing.

Seriously, it’s so depressing.

Who wants to live through that hell? Who wants to see their momma cry? It’s such a horrible song for the happiest time of the year. But, I guess if you’re going to inject a dose of reality into Christmas this would be that song.

6) Grandma Got Ran Over by a Reindeer

I know that this is suppose to be a fun Christmas song. But, seriously, after one playing of the song and that’s more than enough. Sure, it’s original, but it’s also kind of trashy while really not holding any semblance of a classic Christmas song at all.

It is also very polarizing among people. There really doesn’t seem to be any middle ground. You either love it or hate it. And, it seems that the majority would rather leave it. And, the worst part is it’s one of those songs that gets caught in your head WAY TOO EASILY!

But, if there’s any silver lining to this song, the best rendition is one the one sung by Willie Nelson. It just fits his voice, personality and persona. But, that’s a small silver lining, one that’d I rather not acknowledge.

5) Do They Know It’s Christmas?

One thing that I hate is feeling manipulated into feeling something. If I am going to feel something, I want that feeling to be attached to either a genuine personal memory, thought or aspiration. I don’t want to feel guided into someone else’s perception of how THEY think I should feel. Does that make sense?

One of the worst songs that does that is this song. The message and purpose behind this song is actually dear to my heart, but at the same time the execution of this ONE song drives me nuts. The idea of getting numerous celebrities and performers to sing this song seems a tad contrived and self-boasting. Especially considering that many are Top 40 artists that SEEM (some, not all of course) to be in it for the exposure. It just doesn’t personally fly with me.

Additionally, even the main question in the song annoys me. Do they know it’s Christmas? I want to always retort with “do they care it’s Christmas?” It just seems like many of the people who need the help to survive and live wouldn’t care that it’s Christmas. And, should it matter to us that it’s Christmas and they need our help? What about the remaining 11 months of the year? Does that mean it doesn’t matter as much? Aid to Africa should be a 12 month project, not just around Christmastime.

It’s hard to hate much on this song, because it does help get the message out, but personally you won’t find me celebrating the song during the Christmas season for the reasons stated above.

4) Mary Did You Know?

My first reaction to Mary, Did You Know? is simple. OF COURSE MARY KNEW!!! IT’S IN THE BIBLE!!! And, the funny thing about my reaction is, it isn’t very Christian of a response to have about a song about Mary or Baby Jesus. But, when it’s chalk full of false doctrine you can’t help but feel full of righteous indignation.

So here’s the story. Mary knew who her baby was while laying in the manger. How do I know this? Well, all you have to do is read Luke 1:26-38 to understand that Mary was foretold of her child and his mission. I mean, it was pretty straightforward. So, I am sure Mary kinda understood that on the night of Jesus’ birth.

But, this song is another great example of tugging at the heartstrings in a manipulative way. Especially in a very contemporary Christian cliche-ish way. Don’t get me wrong, I love the spiritual side of Christmas. The reason we celebrate is very special and dear to my heart, but it also bugs me when people try to make me feel something in a superficial manner.

Rant over.

3) Last Christmas

Whenever I hear this song there are two thoughts that cross my mind …

1) Man, this guy sucks at relationships.

2) He really should lay off starting a relationship around the holiday. That’s like, really, really poor dating skills.

Seriously, after you realize what the song is about that’s all you’re thinking about. Try it. The next time you listen to the song try not to this poor guy’s pathetic dating life. It just ruins everything. And, this is even before addressing that this is George Michael who is the focus of the song in the music video.

But, this is one of the worst Christmas 80’s songs. It’s such a horrible, horrible, horrible song and makes you appreciate your dating life and/or stable relationship.

2) Where Are You Christmas?

The year 2000 really came out with some horrendous Christmas songs. Like seriously. One of the worst, but not the worst surprisingly, is Where Are You Christmas? The song sung by Faith Hill debuted in the movie The Grinch starring Jim Carrey. It works in the flow of the movie, but was quickly overplayed and has been ever since. It’s 14 years later and it seems like we’re still looking for Christmas.

Someone please help Faith Hill find Christmas.

You might be wondering what makes this song so horrible? For one, it is FULL of cliches of what would one would think Christmas should be about. Second, it’s manipulative in where it wants to take your emotions. It’s very easy to let the song take you there, but when you realize what it’s doing to you, it just kills the song completely. It’s no wonder that this song was released the same year as The Christmas Shoes.

Which leads us to the last song …

1) The Christmas Shoes

NOTHING. And, I mean nothing, irritates me more than The Christmas Shoes during the Christmas season. But, what do you expect from a song that’s based off a horrible ’90’s email chain letter? The song has everything that’s wrong with chain letters … it’s manipulative, cliche, vain and loved by everyone’s Grandmother.

The biggest problem I have with the song is it’s manipulative use of cliche. Of course it’s Christmas Eve, of course you’re doing last minute shopping, of course you’re not thinking about true meaning of Christmas, of course there is a little snot nosed kid in front of you, of course he doesn’t have enough money, of course he’s trying to buy shoes for his dying Mom, of course she has cancer, of course she wants to look her best for Jesus, of course the kid pierced your soul by asking you for money, of course it changed your life and of course you now feel the Christmas spirit.

You get my point?

And, the thing is, when we all heard it for the first time back in 2000 we all loved it. THE FIRST TIME. Probably because it blind sided us like Michael Oher. It’s an emotional song. I get that. But, after you hear it over and over again you can’t help but realize how manipulative the song and how they do it with cliches nonetheless.

But, hey, Grandma’s love it and love sharing it and Golden Slippers across the span of the internet. Because this is the world we live in these days.

So did I forget any songs? Are there any that you would add to this list? Any that you think don’t belong on this list? Chime in with a comment below …

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