As of late I’ve had this fascination with finding pictures of me smiling. Why? Well, for a number of reasons. I see a difference between Fat Josh and Skinny Josh. I see a change of confidence. I see someone who was once lost, but now found (you can guess what hymn is swimming in my head right now). But, more than anything I see someone hiding and another … not. Skinny Josh is done with hiding behind insecurities, doubts, fears and unknowns. He’s done with playing it safe and taking actual risks.
That’s who I see in these two pictures.
Another thing pops out to me about these comparison pictures as well. I absolutely love what I am wearing in both. I miss that jacket and especially shirt. Those was my go-to Sexy Fat Josh outfit. In fact this picture is from a photo shoot I did for my college graduation announcements five years ago (I’m still trying to embrace and process that fact). I wore what I felt was sexy … or what I thought made me look skinny. But, that’s a post for another day.
On the flip side, I love my Big Cottonwood Marathon hoodie. It symbolizes exactly the opposite of what Fat Josh is wearing and trying to do. It’s not desperately trying to drown out awkward fat (just awkward man boobs) or be someone that it is not. In fact the hoodie is who I am. I am a runner, I am someone who takes risks and truly loves the depth of life given to me. I think this moment with my friend Lola captures that.
There are moments like these that I love knowing that I can just look BACK at Fat Josh. But, at the same time reminisce about how I got here at this very moment.