It’s kinda late and all logic says I should be asleep right now. But, there some things you can’t ignore and I feel like I’ve got to write them down somewhere. Typically, I’d write them in my journal, but I felt this was EXTREMELY applicable to my current situation and the purpose of this blog. So I am sharing it here.
It’s been frustrating this summer dealing with the number of nagging little health issues I’ve had. I know I shouldn’t complain too much, because there are FAR too many people out there dealing with things greater than a stupid thyroid or botched testosterone diagnosis. I actually learned this lesson while my Mom was battling breast cancer. While her treatments went exactly how they should have for her to get better, there were people in the same hospital just fighting to live another day.
I don’t want to come across that I am fishing for sympathy or anything like to it. It’s just a MILD frustration in the whole scheme of things in relation to my journey. I’ve dealt with blown up thyroids before. It’s just frustrating because I worked hard to lose and maintain my weight for the past nearly five years. And, now to see 20-30lbs. of it back … frustrates me to no end.
Mainly, because I know what it will take to get rid of it.
And, I mean a BIG BUT (sorry).
I accept the challenge ahead. And, in a way, I kind of need this challenge. I know that sounds strange after losing 180lbs. But, there’s something about losing weight, but then there’s something about FIGHTING to keep it off. It’s a mental game. It really is. I need to be more tenacious not just in the gym or on the road, but in life. I need to be more focused on what I want to achieve and go do it. And, I kind of feel like these 20-30 will prove a great battleground for me as I work towards them.
One of my goals that I really wanted to achieve this year was a sub-two half marathon at the Nebo Half. With me less than three weeks out I pretty much know that’s not going to happen. I kind of feel like a PR (02:09:25) isn’t in the cards for me either. I mean, it could and I’d love to do that … BUT … knowing what my body feels like at that pace and doing that for 13.1 miles, I kind of feel I shouldn’t push it too beyond my current limits.
This has been extremely frustrating for me, because I just want to sprint down Mt. Nebo like a gazelle. There’s nothing more that I would love to do more than that. It’s especially frustrating for me knowing that my current state can’t reach the best I know I am capable of. That frustration more than anything has been weighing on my mind a lot as of late.
Last night during my weekly fartleking in Liberty Park here in Salt Lake City this still really kept weighing on my mind. I hated knowing that my body couldn’t do what I know it could do. But, at the same time I wasn’t NOT going to try or put forth a great effort either. I knew that in order to get back to where I knew I could be, I had to give my absolute best.
No more. No less.
After a lap and a half by myself I decided to join Becky in her speed work. She is still shooting for and working hard towards a sub-two half at Nebo. She was running half mile fartleks at about a 8:30 pace. Somewhere I knew I could get to … eventually. But, I thought what the heck I’d just DO MY BEST and see what happens.
As I ran her fartleks with her, I didn’t keep up with her as I had hoped for. In fact, she did the whole half mile and I am sure I just did about a quarter of a mile. It was tough. But, in those stretches that I ran I gave it my all. I tried my best. I picked my knees and kicked my feet. For those moments that I had the stamina I loved it and knew that with time, effort and consistency I could achieve that pace for much longer than a quarter of a mile.
For that moment as I sprinted, I felt as though a sub-two half marathon wasn’t a pipe dream. I didn’t feel like I’d have to wait until Nebo 2015 to achieve that goal. I felt and knew I could get that sub-two MUCH sooner in the year. I felt as though a sub-two could be my consistent half marathon time.
All of those feelings while just running a quarter of a mile sprint.
I felt as though if I hadn’t given that amount of effort at that moment I wouldn’t have been able to have that vision. It was as though my body was saying to me, “Joshua you are capable of SO much more. Just make the effort.” And, if I had not given my best last night and ho-hummed through my workout what kind of lesson would I be teaching myself? Basically that my frustrations are reality and limit my abilities. Where’s the growth and reasoning behind that?
But, as I was ending my sprints and the rest of my run, I felt as though I was a truth taught by an inspired teacher. In fact, I wrote it down and shared on my Facebook wall last night after my run. It reads …
No matter what we have achieved in the past … OUR BEST … is all we should be giving. I am looking forward to the future. Not just the distant future, but the immediate future as well. I am excited to see what I will accomplish with that effort and vision of where I WANT GO!
Now it’s time to just put in the work.